- Maho, Eden, and Heph step out into the arena,
preparing to participate in the tournament honoring a long slumbering deity,
overseen by High Priest Evilby the Elaborate
- As Maho raises her axe the High Priest says “Here we have
Maho the great samurai, wielding a greataxe instead of a sword,
and for dishonoring the samurai name she will fight with it blunted!” and
waves his hand and sand swirls around her axe, blunting it and causing it to
deal less damage
- He offers that she may throw away her greataxe and slice herself with her
katana, imbuing the ground with her blood to arouse Terrifax, Lord of Pain,
but Maho says she’s fine, she got here with a great hammer
- Next to step out is Eden, wearing heels and business attire, and
she turns to Maho and asks if she know where to get her badge,
introducing herself as the intern
- Maho asks Eden to go sharpen her axe, dropping her
huge heavy axe into Eden’s hands
- The High Priest says “Behold the fearsome Eden! She may not have
expected the ring, but blood for the blood gods!”
- The crowd absolutely loves it, and his minion, Smithe, hoots and hollers
- He declares that he will make the axe suitable for Eden, and
roughly cuts through the handle and leaves tiny a splintery shaft about a
Harengon hand and a half left, and the sudden shift of balance causes
Eden to fall over
- Heph comes out shooting sparks with Prestidigitation, but the act
falls a bit flat with the crowd
- The High Priest says “Behold, Heph! Terrifax is very displeased
with this one. Blood for the blood gods requires skin for blood, armor is
not good to bleed!”, and blasts the armor with sand to make it
uncomfortable, but Heph is rather unfazed, and lowers his helm
and spits out some sand
- Eden walks over to Heph and asks for his help fixing
the axe, but Heph doesn’t feel like they really have a lot of
time to do that
- The High Priest notes they are trying to repair the axe, and kicks off the
first challenge before that can happen
- As he kicks off the challenge, sandstone rises out of the sand, forming a
maze
- Heph activates his winged boots and flies up to the top of the
wall, and as he approaches the top he notices cauldrons full of bubbling
oil, which tip over
- Eden tries to blast him out of the way with a gust of air, but
Heph resists that and is covered in burning oil as he clears the
wall
- Clearing the top of the wall, he is able to make out the rough path, and
flies back down to the group, telling them he knows the way
- Eden is very confused, and Heph explains where they
are and explains to Eden that the orientation is a trial by fire
and the job is to not die
- Evilby rearranges the maze in response to the cheating
- Eden reaches out and touches Maho’s knee, attempting
to teleport them about 460 feet in the direction Heph pointed,
but a split second later they appear back, bruised and covered in dust,
there now being a wall there and the teleport failing
- Maho decides we can’t outsmart the maze, so she puts on her Barge
Helmet and runs straight into the first wall
- Heph helps with a cast of Shatter as she charges the wall, and
Maho looks up, thinking the helmet is pretty cool
- The High Priest announces “Terrifax, Lord of Pain is very pleased! Again!”
- Heph and Eden blast the wall with magic while
Maho charges it again, and she manages to burst through the
remains of the wall
- As Maho blast through the wall, she steps on something squishy, but
she manages to get back to solid ground
- Lifting the helmet, she sees a rug, and Eden peeks through the
hole as Heph floats over, and we immediately identify the rug as
a porridge carpet
- We continue forward into the maze
- Evilby notices everyone in the crowd is getting antsy, and he decides to
place a trap in their path, saying “These adventurers like crashing through
walls so much, let’s give them more walls!”
- The walls crumble into sand and the molten oil starts pouring down on us,
which fucks up Eden pretty bad, but Heph heals her up
with a quick Cure Wounds
- Reaching the end of the maze, we spot a door with a brass knocker bumblebee
embedded in it, and not wanting to deal with whatever it is, Maho
charges it
- It is a spelling bee knocker, and we completely ignore it as Maho
smashes into it
- It demands that we spell “recalcitrant” as Heph uses
Enlarge/Reduce to shrink it down and its voice goes all high pitched
- As we step out of the maze, the walls shrink back into the ground, and the
ground absorbs the blood, and we feel a deep rumble and hear something that
sounds like a “mmmm” from deep underground
- Eden’s pencil skirt is torn and one of her heels is broken, so
she breaks the other one
- The High Priest announces that Terrifax (insert all titles) is pleased, and
declares that the second spectacle, the Spectacle of Beast(master), shall
begin
- Trees and lush forest greenery sprout up, and the air immediately becomes
more humid, and we find ourselves in a jungle, with the sound of soft rain
and tropical birds
- The cheers of the crowd are muffled by the foliage surrounding us, and we
know that we must kill 3 beasts to advance through the forest
- In preparation for the fight, Eden casts Haste on Maho
- We hear a piercing cry come through the trees, as a massive roc descends
through the canopy towards us
- The roc swoops down and pecks at Heph, dealing a huge chunk of
damage, and then attempts to pick up Heph, but with a Runic Shield
intervention from Maho it fails to do so, and is sent tumbling and
lands flat on its back
- Maho runs up to it, jumping off a nearby tree, and pulls out a
metallic club, smacking the Roc 3 times, dealing 51 damage and messing it up
really bad, and then since she’s Hasted she critically hits it a 4th time,
dealing another 25 damage, essentially just smashing it until it stops
moving, finishing it off with a kick to the head
- There is a lot of blood, like a lot a lot, and the High Priest is the most
entertained he has ever been, yelling about what an amazing sight it is
- A web drops down, and a spider crawls down the trees towards us, slinking up
behind Maho and attacking her as she celebrates killing the bird,
biting at Maho, but the armor blocks it, and the second bite also
misses, and then the spider disappears
- Heph calls out that the spider went to the Ethereal Plane, and
activates her Innate Sorcery and readies a spell for when the spider
reappears
- Heph ignites the tree next to him with a Fire Bolt, and then runs
away from the burning tree
- Maho puts on her Monocle of Clarity and activates the filter of
See Invisibility, seeing that the spider is on the tree Heph
ignited
- The spider sees Maho point it out, but follows Heph and
reemerges, and as that happens Eden’s Fireball triggers and a blast
of fire explodes around it dealing 23 damage, and then Eden
teleports into a bush as she experiences a Wild Magic Surge
- Evilby is screaming in the background, yelling “how amazing, what a blaze”,
and creates an earthen funnel that the spider dives down into, and it bites
at Heph, but it’s a little on fire and can’t quite land the bites
- Maho climbs up to the top of the funnel, slides down, and
prepares her staff as a proverbial newspaper, and sneaks up behind it and
squashes it from behind
- As the spider is smashed, we hear a roar, and a hippopotamus comes smashing
through the burning trees and charges Eden, biting her twice and
dealing a good chunk of damage, but she manages to keep Haste up
- Eden Polymorphs the hippo into a guinea pig sized hippo, dropping
Haste, then runs towards the funnel and jumps into it, while the mini hippo
tries to bite her
- Heph flies up, and uses Enlarge/Reduce to shrink it even further,
making it a mouse-sized hippo
- Maho experiences a wave of lethargy as the Haste wears off
- The audience around the High Priest is confused and unsure what to do, but are
still happy about how much blood they got
- The blood once again seeps into the earth, and a “mmmhmmmhmmm” comes from
the ground as the forest shrinks back into
- Smithe tells the High Priest it is time to announce “The Spectacle of
Talent”, and he says “Ladies and Gentlemen, you have seen them draw blood.
You have seen them outsmart the deadliest creatures of the land. But… can
they dance??”
- Wooden slatted floors emerge from the desert, creating a stage, and we are
elevated into the air, and a curtain falls in front of us
- Heph marches out onto the stage, and Evilby asks how
Heph will arouse the Lord of Pain and entertain the crowd
- Heph casts Hypnotic Pattern, fully entrancing most of the
audience, although Evilby himself is unaffected
- Evilby declares “this will not do, this will not do, you can’t charm the
crowd of Terrifax!” and holds his arms up and casts Fire Storm
- Heph manages to get a Fire Shield off at the last moment and
resists some of the Fire Storm, managing to keep the Hypnotic Pattern up
- Evilby says “How incredible, how incredible! Terrifax is alive! I feel him
becoming aroused!”
- Heph hobbles off stage smoldering, with 6 health left
- Maho heads onto stage next, saying “If it’s blood you crave, can I
get a volunteer? You can strike me as hard as you want.”
- Smithe is jumping up and down excitedly, and Maho calls him down
- Evilby gives him permission to go, telling him to fuck up Maho,
and he runs down and jauntily skips up to the stage
- Maho asks if he needs a weapon, and he says no, and wolverine
claws burst through his skin, spraying blood everywhere as he yells out in
pain
- He punches at Maho, hitting her armor a few times, and then
Maho takes off a few pieces of armor to help him, and after
paralyzing herself he finally manages to land a critical hit, landing a
whopping 6 damage, which Maho resist half of with Hill Rune
- Maho replies now that you’ve hit me I get to hit you, and as he
steps back in horror, she picks up her greataxe from where it was lying in
the sand and deals 33 damage, utterly annihilating him and splitting him in
half, and his body slides into two pieces, and he bleeds everywhere
- Evilby, seeing this, yells “How magnificent! I can’t even contain myself!
What a wonderful sacrifice Smithe made for Terrifax, Lord of Pain!”
- Eden comes out onto the burning stage, wearing a magician’s outfit,
and takes her hat off, showing the crowd that the inside is empty
- She pulls out an object, throwing it into the crowd, and as she casts
Enhance Ability on herself the Polymorph drops, causing an angry hippo to
appear in the middle of the crowd
- Heph hits it with an Enlarge/Reduce, causing it to further double
in size, and it smashes down into the stands and goes absolutely ballistic,
murdering spectators everywhere and spraying blood everywhere
- Everyone near the hippo is screaming and everyone else is screaming “Blood
for the blood god! Blood for the blood god!”
- Evilby is just completely tripping out, absolutely loving how wonderful the
amount of blood is
- The rumbling from the sands below get louder and more awake as it seems
Terrifax might be nearly aroused
- Evilby turns to the rest of the crowd that isn’t being terrorized by the
hippo, and casts Sunbeam with the intention of hitting the maximum number of
spectators, absolutely obliterating them and blood spills everywhere
- All of the blood together reaches a climax, and the sounds from below increase
in frequency and intensity, as we hear a loud crack
- As fast as an arrow, a giant hand smashes down on one side of the stage, and
another does the same, the fingers gripping into the ground, as a creature
pulls itself up from the depth
- The stage tips to the side as a massive head bursts from the ground in the
center of the colosseum, which we recognize from the murals painted in blood
to be Terrifax himself
- He has long slumbered, but now that he is aroused, he slams his fist down
- He looks down at Evilby, who says “oh take me oh lord, oh god yes”, and the
colosseum starts to crumble and the burning oil spills from the cracks in
the stone, and Evilby’s mace is shortened
- As Evilby’s body is wracked with the pain he inflicted on others, the
sunbeam drops, and Terrifax’s massive face looms over Evilby, saying “blood
for the blood god”
- Maho looks to Eden and Heph to figure out
what to do, Heph suggests we leave, and Maho dashes
for the nearest exit
- Eden grabs Heph and uses Dimension Door to get the two
of them out of the colosseum
- Evilby, whose god has slumbered for thousands of years, is the first one to
successfully arouse Terrifax, Lord of Pain, and he feels the weight and
degree of his accomplishment casting a massive shadow between him and the
sun
- Evilby says “My lord my lord my lord, I am not worthy to gaze upon you” and
bashes his own face in with the head of the mace, blood evaporating as soon
as it touches the ground and getting inhaled by the god, and Evilby walks
towards the god as he does so, falling to his knees as he gets close
- Terrifax looks out at the crowd, looks at Evilby with almost a kindness, and
then looks back to the crowd, casting Divine Beam into the crowd, vaporizing
the half of the audience the hippo isn’t after into a red mist
- He raises his fist above Evilby, slamming down into him, and seeing Evilby
still standing, he reaches down and crushes Evilby in his hand, looking down
and saying “blood for the blood god”
- As the hand closes around him, Evilby says “My lord, your hand is so
calloused”
- The hand closes, giving Evilby the last handjob he will ever have, and the
world goes dark
- Evilby finds himself in a void, and he feels rumbling almost coming from
within him
- He looks around, realizing he has aroused Terrifax and unleashed him on the
world, and his arousal is Evilby’s arousal, forever